Bruce is Dying Hard? Again?

To be fair to Bruce, he’s looking pretty snazztastic for a 57-year old

A fifth Die Hard installment, really Bruce? Is it that bad at Chez Willis that you have to go around hamming it up as John McClane three years before your 60th birthday?

Why can’t Bruce Willis find a new film, a new character, a new same storyline to thrash out over a few installments?

God knows Looper still has a bit to answer for regarding time-travel, maybe he could have done Looper: The Prequel.

Why John McClane? Jarvis Cocker pissed off after his 1990s-induced stint in the limelight, why couldn’t McClane have too? Talk about been there done that.

Christ Almighty I feel like I’m watching the beginning of Tropic Thunder again, except this time it’s Bruce Willis‘ in the trailer for Scorcher VI and it’s called ‘A Good Day To Die Hard’ instead.

Maybe the good old folks at 20th Century Fox thought that by incorporating the name of the franchise into the name of the film we would all lap it up but they haven’t fooled me. This is Die Hard 5.

5 TIMES! And, apparently we’re in for a 6th installment. But it won’t be called Die Hard 6, nah, that would show it up for what it really is.

Talk about squeezing money out of a franchise, eh George Lucas? I’m not pointing any elbows, Disney.

I suppose at least Star Wars is this all encompassing universe that really can expand and go places, enough places to produce 20 inventive and refreshing films.

But 20 ‘this madman is going to blow up a building, kill my wife, crash this plane, steal some gold, blow up a building, kill my wife, crash this plane, steal some gold (score out as appropriate), I really need to stop him by blowing all sorts of shit up’ films would really wear on a person; a person with a free thinking mind at least.

Marlon Brando wasn’t best pleased when he found out they’d destroyed his good work with the third stinker.

Some trilogies go down in history as great, then again some prematurely ejaculate like The Godfather trilogy.

Die Hard spunked it’s credibility away two films ago.

I’ll hold onto the ones where Alan Rickman and Jeremy Irons play the most unlikely of eventually dead brothers (imagine being their mother! You’d be hitting them all day with the wooden pompous twat spoon – a twatula if you will).

Star Wars has the universe to get away with going from a trilogy to magnificent long-winded franchise, Die Hard doesn’t.

They can call Die Hard 6 ‘Die Harder: With More Vengeance, Even More Vengeance Than My Last Death Where I Died Hard But Actually Lived To Continue On This Pointless Moniker Of Implying That I Die In All 5 Installments Before’.

They won’t be getting my money at the cinema. I signed off my interest in Die Hard at the end of the 1995 one.

Disclaimer: I didn’t actually watch the 1995 one in 1995, I was 4. My parents aren’t imbeciles.

Related articles

• Bruce Willis Says There Will Be a DIE HARD 6 (geektyrant.com)
• A Good Day to Die Hard – A Review (asheathersworldturns.wordpress.com)
• Yipee-ki why? > Bruce Willis goes through the Die Hard motions. (newsreview.com)